Post by doogan on Jul 13, 2009 14:56:29 GMT -5
Voice Over: It's 2am. It's dark outside. I look over at my clock with the sudden realization that there are literally hundreds and thousands of people out there getting wasted on cheap booze and generally having a much better time than me. I rub my eyes, sigh, shake my head and get back on with it. Not because I'm better than them. And not because I'm some sad, locked-in loser either. You see, I don't need the usual distractions - booze, fun, women, daylight, other people, normal human society - all fade into obscurity. I care not for these things. Why? Because I have stumbled upon the ancient art of Midget Throwing!
The scene fades into Doogan sitting on the corner of his bed, gazing out into of his bedroom window to the crowd outside. Finally wanting to know what is going on, he stands up and heads outside.
When he get's outside, he is immediately handed a beer by a random stranger. He continues to walk as people are cheering on.
Doogan Voice Over: Perhaps it's a sign of the times. Perhaps I have finally gone crazy. I've spent all night looking at flying dwarves. Looking around I see a guy that looks somewhat intelligent...or at the very least he is dressed intelligently. I head over and begin to interrogate him on this game.
Doogan walks over and nods to the guy at first who responds with a nod as well before speaking.
Man: Are you looking to get on the game big man?
Doogan: Nah, I am just interested and you seem like a guy that would know a lot about this.
Man: Ah yes I do.
Doogan: I've lived here for awhile and have never seen midget tossing here before. Why did it show up here all of a sudden?
Man: Well we have several locations and this has become one of them since every time we start playing the police come and shut us down. They say midget tossing is inhumane to the midgets. They don't realize that the midgets willingly let themselves be thrown. It is just another way midgets are treated like animals, like they don't have a brain to decide for themselves.
Doogan: Seems like fun. I have to admit that. As a pro wrestler, midget tossing would be good training.
Man: I knew you looked familiar. You're that Doogan fellow. You got beat by that small Misterioso guy recently didn't you?
Doogan: IT WAS A FLUKE!
Man: I wasn't challenging you, I apologize. I was merely making the observation.
Doogan: Yeah, I guess so. I'd love to toss that midget down this street right now.
Man: Well instead of tossing him, why don't we set you up for a couple of tosses and maybe that will prepare you for your upcoming rematch.
The man goes over to a few of the bigger midgets and they agree to let Doogan give them the big toss. Doogan goes to the line and takes a few steps back. Pulling the midget up to his shoulder, he takes a big step before hurling the midget a good 10 feet!
Man: IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? The record is 13 feet, I know you can toss these little midgets further than that! Just imagine them Misterioso and then THROW!
Doogan's face becomes enraged and he grabs the next midget and takes three steps back before running and TOSSING the midget 12 feet 9 inches.
Man: SO CLOSE! One more toss. If you can't break this record, you'll never beat Misterioso!
Doogan agrees and takes the last midget and like the second one takes three steps and chucks him as hard as he can.
Man: THERE IT IS! 13 feet 5 inches. A new record!
Everyone watches cheers and sings the "Ole!" song as Doogan shakes the hand of the man.
Man: I told you that you could do it. I think you'll be ready for Misterioso.
Doogan: I feel empowered. I feel I have the power and energy renewed to kick that little man's ass!
Man: Sometimes you have to do non-traditional things to take care of business.
As Doogan walks away back to his apartment, he thinks to himself.
Doogan Voice Over: No matter how bizarre, different, or strangely fascinating this obscure and perverse sport may seem, It works. Misterioso better be ready because he will be tossed into the dugout at Wrestleution.
The scene fades into Doogan sitting on the corner of his bed, gazing out into of his bedroom window to the crowd outside. Finally wanting to know what is going on, he stands up and heads outside.
When he get's outside, he is immediately handed a beer by a random stranger. He continues to walk as people are cheering on.
Doogan Voice Over: Perhaps it's a sign of the times. Perhaps I have finally gone crazy. I've spent all night looking at flying dwarves. Looking around I see a guy that looks somewhat intelligent...or at the very least he is dressed intelligently. I head over and begin to interrogate him on this game.
Doogan walks over and nods to the guy at first who responds with a nod as well before speaking.
Man: Are you looking to get on the game big man?
Doogan: Nah, I am just interested and you seem like a guy that would know a lot about this.
Man: Ah yes I do.
Doogan: I've lived here for awhile and have never seen midget tossing here before. Why did it show up here all of a sudden?
Man: Well we have several locations and this has become one of them since every time we start playing the police come and shut us down. They say midget tossing is inhumane to the midgets. They don't realize that the midgets willingly let themselves be thrown. It is just another way midgets are treated like animals, like they don't have a brain to decide for themselves.
Doogan: Seems like fun. I have to admit that. As a pro wrestler, midget tossing would be good training.
Man: I knew you looked familiar. You're that Doogan fellow. You got beat by that small Misterioso guy recently didn't you?
Doogan: IT WAS A FLUKE!
Man: I wasn't challenging you, I apologize. I was merely making the observation.
Doogan: Yeah, I guess so. I'd love to toss that midget down this street right now.
Man: Well instead of tossing him, why don't we set you up for a couple of tosses and maybe that will prepare you for your upcoming rematch.
The man goes over to a few of the bigger midgets and they agree to let Doogan give them the big toss. Doogan goes to the line and takes a few steps back. Pulling the midget up to his shoulder, he takes a big step before hurling the midget a good 10 feet!
Man: IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? The record is 13 feet, I know you can toss these little midgets further than that! Just imagine them Misterioso and then THROW!
Doogan's face becomes enraged and he grabs the next midget and takes three steps back before running and TOSSING the midget 12 feet 9 inches.
Man: SO CLOSE! One more toss. If you can't break this record, you'll never beat Misterioso!
Doogan agrees and takes the last midget and like the second one takes three steps and chucks him as hard as he can.
Man: THERE IT IS! 13 feet 5 inches. A new record!
Everyone watches cheers and sings the "Ole!" song as Doogan shakes the hand of the man.
Man: I told you that you could do it. I think you'll be ready for Misterioso.
Doogan: I feel empowered. I feel I have the power and energy renewed to kick that little man's ass!
Man: Sometimes you have to do non-traditional things to take care of business.
As Doogan walks away back to his apartment, he thinks to himself.
Doogan Voice Over: No matter how bizarre, different, or strangely fascinating this obscure and perverse sport may seem, It works. Misterioso better be ready because he will be tossed into the dugout at Wrestleution.